BlogHer also has a reputation for being a “Mommy Blogger” conference and though I blog and I’m a mom, I’m not a “Mommy Blogger.” I have plenty of thoughts about mommy blogging and why I don’t think all the attention paid to Mom Bloggers is well directed, but I’ll talk about that another time. Today, I have BlogHer on my mind. Specifically my opinion of the exhibits.

First Impressions

When I walked into BlogHer yesterday, I was there as someone who has been to blogging, interactive and tech conferences to learn about blogging and social media, plus the latest tools and technology. The exhibit floor for many of these conferences are always filled with vendors having to do with, well, social media and blogging, plus computers, Internet and maybe other types of business or tech services.

Blogher is a whole different animal.

Very light on the tech and social media, the BlogHer exhibit floors featured photo taking with Dora the Explorer, Marmaduke,  Elmo, the Hillshire Farms Sun guy, Bruce Jenner and Padma Lakshmi.Booth space was taken up by brands hawking their wares.  There were plenty of food samples and I could even have a makeover if I was so inclined. Many women walked the floors lugging several swag bags chock-full of cheese samples, lip balm, girdles, purse holders, Play-Doh and cereal containers. Clearly BlogHer is not the place to go for laptop stickers and mouse pads.

I wandered the floors looking for vendors who I could talk to so I could learn about the latest widgets and plugins for my blog and didn’t find a single one. No one was talking about the newest social network, nor were there host and serving companies hoping to get us to switch hosting to their service. I saw no blog ad networks or podcasters doing interviews from the showroom floor. This made me wonder: Were these businesses not invited? Did they feel BlogHer wasn’t an important enough event? Or were they not interested in the demographic? Why, at a conference for bloggers, was there nothing on the exhibit floor having to do with, well, blogs?

When one vendor asked me if I heard of social media I almost died. Why would anyone ask that at a blogging conference? From the second I entered the exhibit floor I realized this was a conference unlike any other I’ve been to. If I were to form an opinion from the exhibits only, I wouldn’t think BlogHer had anything to do with anything tech or social media. It was clearly a place for brands to court consumers. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this if your reason for blogging is to receive free stuff and talk about cheese wedges. I’m not sure what someone who wants to learn about building and growing a social media career will take away from the exhibit floor.

Not Done Yet

Again, if your reason for blogging is to review stuff, I suppose this all makes sense. Maybe if I started attending BlogHer from the very beginning I might “get it” more.

I’m not done yet, though. Today I’m attending educational sessions to learn more about blogging and social media. I’m not only attending in a learning capacity, however. I’m also attending as someone who helps to choose the educational content for a different social media conference. I’m going to be watching the speakers, listeing, learning and especially watching the audience to see how they react. I’m looking forward to sharing this with you next.

I don’t want you to read the above and think I’m having a negative experience, because I’m not. I’m enjoying the time with my team, but I’m also enjoying the time with other BlogHer attendees. I bumped into old friends and made many new friends. I tried wines that aren’t even on the market and I had some spectacular meals. Anyone who ever attends a social media conference will tell you much of the enjoyment is derived from the networking and the good company, and BlogHer has that in droves.

This year, after having been persuaded by friends  that I’m way off base with my thinking, and that BlogHer is a terrific place to network and learn, I decided to attend. As it’s in my neck of the woods, and as I’m working in the conference industry this year, I also felt it to be in my best interest. Also, I always wanted to attend BlogHer, but would rather spend my money on an event that encourages both men and women to attend. Not because I don’t believe in supporting or empowering women, but more because I feel less exclusionary events provide better networking opportunities. Conferences are expensive and I have to choose my events wisely.

I’m still not sold that these events need to be geared towards a particular gender, however.

This morning, I joked on Twitter:

The responses didn’t surprise me, but I didn’t find them to be completely accurate. For example, @LizaWasHere

Tweeted this:

I think “BlogHim” is called www.blogworldexpo.com. Just kidding. Sort of. #blogher

Except that BlogWorld is open to both men and women. Yes, there are more men there, but that’s because women choose to either stay home or spend their conference money on BlogHer or another event.  However, each year, more and more women attend. When I mentioned this to Liza, she replied,

And #blogher is open to men, and likewise, some choose to attend.

True again, except the name applies to something else. BlogWorld isn’t called “BlogWorld for Men and Women” and no where on a SXSW announcment does it state, “both men and women are welcome to attend.” The advertisements aren’t gender specific and the name isn’t gender specific. No one has to extend special invitations to either gender. However, the “Her” in BlogHer makes it clear that this is an event for women, which is why not many men choose to attend.

Another interesting remark was made by @ohmylands said:

BlogHim is called the rest of the internet, I think

I disagreed again. The Internet has always been open to both women and men. We’ve been sharing the space for years, interacting and collaborating. There are plenty of woman dominating the search engines. Women are top bloggers and social media experts. Women are thought leaders and authors. And guess what? Most of the successful women in social media did so without standing on a podium and shouting out “I’m a Woman, damn it!” They just did what they did, and it stuck, the same as it did for men.

Every now and then I do get a little annoyed at seeing “super panels” at conferences that are led only by men, and you know how I hate those “Top Female Bloggers” and “Top Social Media Diva” lists, but I also think we create our own controversy.

• That’s why I don’t believe in the term “Mommy Blogger” or “Daddy Blogger.”  Why can’t they be parent bloggers? Women made it clear they want to be known as “Ms” over “Miss” or “Mrs” and we now have “Postal Worker” or “Police Officer” over “Mailman” or “Police Woman”. So why then are we reverting back to gender specific titles?

• That’s why, at my traditional office job I didn’t demand the same treatment as men, I let my hard work speak for itself and advanced accordingly.

• That’s why I don’t want to be part of a quota, or feel I need to receive special treatment because I’m a woman in a male dominated world. I prefer to do my best and let that speak for itself over saying, “I’m a woman. If you don’t embrace me and what I do, I’m going to make a lot of noise.”

• That’s why I want to get ahead on merit, not gender.

Does gender bias exist? I think so. I’ve never experienced it in the workplace or in the blogosphere, and I don’t know that it’s ever been directed towards me, but I can see that it happens. I also think some of it is our own fault because many women feel it’s important to form organizations that exclude themselves from their male peers, rather than choose to work and collaborate with them.

I’m going into New York City tomorrow to attend BlogHer and I expect to enjoy myself. I will meet lots of interesting women and hopefully a few interesting men.  Mostly, I’m going out of curiosity. I want to be proven wrong. I want to be pleasantly surprised. I want to see this is an important event.

What do you think? Do we create our own gender biases and stereotypes? Am I way off base?

What Makes Someone Influential?

Why are some people considered more influential than others? Is it because:

• Their advice is spot on?
• They yell louder than everyone else?
• The present themselves as a good role model?
• Everyone else listens to them so we should too?
• We just like what they have to say?

I know that many bloggers feel that influence is measured by popularity, but I think it’s more than that. For example, in the 80′s Madonna was so popular she influenced tweens and teens to dressed in flouncy skirts, ripped up tights and pornographic wedding attire. A decade later, she crossed the line in a video and no one wanted to buy her Pepsi anymore. She was still popular, still sold millions of albums, but she wasn’t seen as someone who advertisers believed was influential or positive enough to sell their products. Influencing someone to buy a catchy tune is one thing, getting someone to buy what you’re selling, product-wise, is a whole other story. Influence and popularity aren’t the same thing.

We might go with the flow in a peer pressure sort of way, but we know who truly influences us. We take our role models and influences seriously. While I acknowledge, one has to be at least a little popular in order to be influential, I don’t necessarily believe that we’re so blinded by popularity we allow ourselves to be influenced.

My Influence is Not Your Influence

I might consider Wonder Woman to be influential, but you’d probably find that silly. However, in a time when comic book heroes were men, knowing that a woman could kick ass and take names inspired me to kick ass and take names. A cartoon comic was influential in shaping me into someone who didn’t use gender or weakness as an excuse. I didn’t have a golden lasso, but I knew I had other assets – my ability to write, for example. My influence is not your influence.

I also consider Liz Strauss to be personally influential. She was the first blogger I looked up not only because I enjoyed how she wrote, but also, I appreciated how she encouraged a positive community – this encouraged me to do the same. I didn’t want to copy, however, I was influenced to be positive by her positivity. I know there are some people who feel she’s too nice and too positive and for them that’s a turnoff. My influence is not their influence.

Exploring Influence

I always tell my son to choose his role models wisely. These are the people who will shape his life and the way he thinks. I feel the same way about these “influential” people everyone is going on about.  Instead of kvetching about influence or whether it’s real, why not explore the reasons why someone is considered influential? Selling a million albums isn’t influential. Inspiring folks to take action  is. Explore the person and learn why everyone listens when he speaks. You may find out it has nothing to do with popularity at all.

We’re all influenced by different things. If a single person is inspiring thousands, or even millions to take action it goes way beyond popularity. There’s something in that person’s words and actions that encourage and inspire. It has nothing to do with popularity or the ability to speak. It’s more about letting actions speak louder than words and putting one’s money where one’s mouth is.

The true influencers don’t only speak, they do. This has nothing to do with popularity at all.

How are you influenced by others? What causes you to listen or act?

Credit where it’s due: The inspiration for this post came from the Fast Company Influence project we’re they’re looking to find the most influential person online. I bit. I want to see if this turns out to be a true measure of influence and how it will pan out. Is it going to be a contest or a true test of how the real influential people are. I’m looking forward to finding out.

Last night I went out for drinks with the girls. My friends work in a variety of careers, none having anything to do with social media. I often wonder if when I talk about my blogs or Twitter they think I’m some sort of loonie, or even if they really care. During our conversation last night I learned:

• One of my friends didn’t know blogs can be bought and sold.
• Many of my friends have no idea what to do with Facebook or Twitter.
• Many of my friends are afraid to use Facebook and Twitter as they’d rather not risk their privacy.
• They’re totally not feeling the whole Foursquare thing.

Does social media matter to the people who aren’t into social media?

Sometimes I read posts on the popular social media blogs and wonder if the bloggers are speaking to the converted. Certainly no one needs to tell me the top ten reasons to start a Facebook page or discuss how Twitter can help to build a brand. Are we really reaching the people who have no clue how to use this stuff or are we preaching to the choir?

I understand that there are businesses doing research on the web in regard to social media and why it’s needed for business. However, I don’t know if the average person is especially interested in seeking out this type of information.

Why social media should matter to everyone

After I returned home from last night’s debauchery, I thought long and hard about my friends. Does social media matter to them? None of them have any reason to use social media for their professions…or do they?

I thought it would be interesting to explore the ways civilians could use social media for business…and pleasure.

Look for work

Social media offers the ability to look for work beyond the usual job boards. Blogs and websites pull together comprehensive lists of available jobs, recruiters and hiring agents hang out on Twitter, and bloggers discuss tips for landing a cushy gig. Social media also offers a way to research businesses to learn more about them, which can help to land a job.

Participate in discussions

Even if you’re not looking to use social media for business, there are still ways to use it to enjoy your favorite topics. For example, use Twitter and Facebook to discuss a favorite books and movies or debate the issues in an online town hall. Talk about your kids, or your pets. I can guarantee, every channel boasts people who are into the same thing you are.

Meet people who are going through the same thing

There are social networks for people who are battling illness, and the folks who are caring for people who re battling illness. There are groups and networks for almost every problem and every milestone. Whether you’re in human resources or a soccer mom, there is a place in the space to commiserate.

Lodge a complaint

Having issues get through to a brand’s call center? Spotty cable connection? Looking to get in touch with a politician? Many of the major brands have social media professionals on staff to monitor what is being said about them on the difference networks.  Though they would rather their dirty laundry isn’t aired in public, many do reach out to those who are complaining about them to see how they can make things better.

Learn about local businesses

Foursquare, Gowalla, Twitter, Facebook and other networks can help you learn about your locality. Read restaurant reviews, learn where to get your shoes mended or find out where to locate free WiFi. There’s no need to dig through an unwieldy phone directory anymore, not when everything you need is easily searched online.

Receive updates

Keep current with topics that interest you via RSS feeds, Facebook fan pages, Twitter accounts and newsletters. Read ebooks and magazines on your smartphone or ebook reading device, receive the latest headlines on your Facebook status, and keep in touch with the people you love.

What do YOU think?

I could probably toss out 100 or more uses for social media and the reasons those who aren’t managing a brand or who don’t have something to promote would want to use it. The truth is, it’s different for different people.

I sometimes feel like I have too different lives. My blogging, conference attending, hanging out on Twitter life, and my real life, non social media world. They’re vastly different, but more a like than we realize.

How would you describe the benefits of social media to a “civilian”?

A couple of years ago, a woman who was part of a community I managed took it to heart every time someone stopped following her on Twitter. She monitored her account very closely and each morning ceremoniously announced with a “Buh Bye!” all the people who unfriended her the day before.  Though I would probably be hurt if a close friend or someone I built a relationship with over the past year dropped me from a friends list, I also understand why people who don’t really know me decide not to follow me.  It could be because we don’t agree in many areas or that I Tweet too much. I know that it’s not personal and I don’t take it that way. That’s why I don’t understand the practice of publicly shaming unfollowers.

Mass Unfollow

A few months ago I was going through my Facebook friends and realized I didn’t know half the people who I allowed to view my profile. Unlike Twitter, the people who have access to my status on Facebook have access to much of my personal life including pictures of my family, local events, and conversations with intimate friends, family and neighbors. I decided it was time to rethink my Facebook strategy and  edited the list to only include family, friends and a few social media people who I enjoy. I created pages for my former freelance writing blog and Kommein so that those wishing to receive updates or keep track from a business standpoint could do so while allowing me to have a private life.

I also did a mass unfollow on Twitter over the weekend. Again it was nothing personal. Many of the people I unfollowed didn’t even follow me in return, but it wasn’t even about reciprocity. Some people hadn’t updated in over a year, some people are too negative, some just want drama and controversy, and some people I just don’t know or agree with. I followed plenty of people on the recommendation of others, or automatically because they followed me first and we just didn’t jibe. It’s not a personal thing at all. People move on. I’m not into cliques and exclusive clubs but neither do I believe we have to be friend’s with people we don’t necessarily get along with.

Oh For Goodness Sakes…

So I was kind of surprised when I saw this Tweet this morning:

I recently lost a follower, and thanks to http://who.unfollowed.me I know it was @debng #whounfollowedme

This is one of the more polite Twitter unfollow messages I’ve come across. Some are rude and I’ve even seen fights break out. I’m not sure I see the logic in shaming the people who don’t follow us. People drift apart. Relationships don’t always last. I get it if it’s someone we care about, and in that case I might contact the other party to see if I can repair the relationship. But a total stranger? What’s up with that?

Darn It, It’s Nothing Personal

Now, I understand being curious about people who unfollow, but I don’t understand why the public shame announcement? I liken it to a party. When we’re at a party we talk to different people. Some people we get along with very well and others…not so much. We may take phone numbers and email addresses for the people who shared common interests and goals, but the people who we don’t quite see eye to eye, we mostly likely won’t pursue a relationship.

If you’re going to be active with lots of friends and followers, you’ll have to consider that people will unfollow you on a daily basis. Most of the time it’s because they realize they have nothing in common or that you don’t share the same philosophy. If you wouldn’t yell at a co-worker or acquaintance from a street corner because she’s not your BFF, why would you do it on Twitter?

Am I off base? Would love to get your thoughts on this one.

I admit it. I use Foursquare. I don’t post my locations to Twitter or Facebook,  or offer mundane updates on every step I take throughout the day, but I do use Foursquare and I don’t think it’s as silly as some naysayers would have you believe. However, apps and tools are always in the eye of the beholder and I realize what works for me, doesn’t necessarily work for someone else.

Foursquare Critics

The criticisms of Foursquare are valid. Many Facebook and Twitter users don’t want to see other people’s Foursquare updates in their statuses.  In this case, they’ll have to decide whether or not to follow the offending parties. Also, folks who frequently update the world with their locations will have to consider the TMI factor and that many people don’t care that they’re dropping the kids off at KinderCare.

There are also people who are worried about privacy issues. I think Foursquare is pretty good with the controls. We only allow approved friends access and we don’t have to update anywhere but on Foursquare if we don’t want to. Most users are responsible with their information and don’t use school names, homes, or any other details that will give away the exact location.

Just like any other app, if used responsibly it should be fine.

Here are my reasons why Foursquare doesn’t suck.

1. Foursquare Highlights Local Businesses

I appreciate an app that helps local businesses gain new business.  Foursquare allows users to see the types of businesses in their area and it’s all mapped out in case directions are needed. If lots of Foursquarers check in to a particular establishment and have good tips and recommendations, I’ll know this is a place to consider visiting.

2. You Never Know Who You’ll Bump Into

Recently I was in New York City for the day and saw on Fourquare that someone from a job I held over ten years ago was at the same event. We said hello and caught up a bit. I ran into a social media buddy at the local department store once, and didn’t even know this person lived sort of close by. If I didn’t see these names on my Foursquare as being in my same location, I wouldn’t have looked for them.

3. See What’s in the Area at a Glance

If you’re a stranger in a strange land you don’t have to eat strange food. Use your Foursquare to see what restaurants are in the area. I know someone who uses it while camping and vacationing to see where to find the laundrymats, supermarkets, parks and chidlren’s attractions. Not everywhere in the area will be listed, but the most popular places are likely on the grid. It can save a lot of web searching from the slow library computers or asking for directions.

4. It’s Kickass for Conferences

My favorite use for Foursquare is for conferences. I use it to learn who is sitting in on what session, where my friends are eating, and which parties to attend – or avoid. In fact, I get the most Foursquare use from conferences as it’s a good way to keep an eye out for the folks I’m looking to meet or catch up with.

5. Who Wouldn’t Want to Be the Mayor of ShopRite?

I mean, really, is that a perk or what? And I didn’t even run for office.

A few years ago when I was Community Manager for a popular online community, the owner and I disagreed regarding the value of Twitter. He wrote it off as a bunch of noise. In fact he wrote off most of social media as a bunch of noise. I soon learned though, that it wasn’t that there was a lot of noise but, rather, he didn’t know what to do with it. The more he embraced social media, the less noisy it seemed. Thus, I’d like to submit that folks who complain about social media noise perhaps aren’t using it to their full potential.

Let’s explore this “noise” thing. I’m sure that when using the term “noise” to describe social media, many are referring to annoying noises such as jackhammers and weed wackers.  Though for argument’s sake, I’ll also say that annoying is in the ear of the beholder and there are even those who enjoy hearing a weed wacker on a Saturday morning. (For the record, I’m not one of them.) But this is a post about why noise is good, and we’ll leave the weed wacker in the shed for today.

Let’s consider some of these noises:

• Birds
• Music
• Children
• Murmuring’s of a loved one
• A cat purring
• Reading aloud
• Waves upon a shore
• Thunderstorms
• Rain
• Fireworks

Noise doesn’t have to have a negative connotation. While we all have our moments where we want quiet, I think many of us embrace noise. Think about it: Favorite songs trigger memories and voices or laughter make us smile.  Despite moments of being frazzled or needing quiet for rest, we like noise. That’s why I’m suprised when folks read or hear about something being “noise” and write it off as a negative thing.

What does this all mean?

Obviously I’m writing a reactionary post based on other discussions referring to social media as “noise.” I think we all tend to read something like that and readily accept noise as a bad thing. The next time someone  dismisses Twitter or Foursquare as a bunch of useless noise, suggesting you don’t get so social and instead get all exclusionary and cliquey, consider what the word “noise” means to you. One person may have a low tolerance for noise, but this doesn’t mean everyone does.

We make our own noise. It’s the reason why some parents can put up with a child’s wailing on a drumset from the basement, when others won’t let a set of drums into the house. It’s why some us enjoy loud rock and roll and others go easy listening. Noise is only a bad thing if you allow it to have that connotation.

If you embrace the noises in your life, you might find that many of them aren’t so unpleasant. For example. that bird outside your window might not be exactly what you want to hear at 5:30 a.m. while you’re trying to sleep. However, three hours later, it’s just the ticket when you’re enjoying that first cup of coffee from the solitude of your back deck.

Embrace Noise

Noise can work for you, even social media noise. Instead of looking around Twitter and thinking there are too many people, look at it as a party where you will meet people as time progresses. Some of those people will become acquaintances, some good friends, and some you may do business with.  If you sat in the corner writing them all off as noise, you probably wouldn’t have made so many important connections.

The next time someone writes off social media as noise, consider your favorite noises and what they mean to you.  Maybe there’s something to it after all?

I have decided it’s time to revive Kommein, but in a slightly different format. Instead of focusing solely on community and community management, I’d like to include other aspects of social media, including blogging. You see, social media is my passion but I have no where else to talk discuss it. Though I try to sneak in topics on my freelance writing blog from time to time, that community would much rather discuss writing.

So here I am. Again.

I hope you’ll give me a second chance.

Here’s a scenario some community managers are facing: You’re hired by a business interested in building a web presence. Your superiors consider themselves hip pioneers for jumping on the social media thing, but they reality is they haven’t a clue. As a result, you can’t do your job properly. They question the amount of time you spend on social networks, shuffle you around to different departments, don’t think conferences are necessary, and don’t take any of your ideas for social media promotion seriously, and really, have no idea what to do with you.  Put on a brave face folks, and don’t pull your hair out. You can make it work.

You were hired to create an online presence using forums, blogs, networks and other social media tools. You know you’re good at what you do, and you know there are logical reasons for doing what you do. Now, you have to communicate it to your superiors. This isn’t always easy, and can be very frustrating, but if they didn’t want a heavy Internet campaign they wouldn’t have hired you in the first place, right?

Take a deep breath. Don’t get angry. If you find you’re getting questioned every step of the way or that folks don’t take you seriously, take some time to write up a proposal or outline. List all your social media strategies and why you feel they will benefit the business. Send it to all the players and request a time to discuss follow up.  Now gather data and statistics so you can make your case. You CAN make this work!

It’s hard for many old schoolers to embrace social media but it’s part of a community manager’s job to make sure they get it. Don’t let frustration give in to anger. Use your energy to create a rocking community instead.

Hulu recently made a mistake in how it removed content from its site, and its community turned on the company rather quickly. Of course they tried to fix the mistake, but some damage was already done.

Muhammad Saleem goes over some things that they could have done that would have stopped this whole mess from hurting their brand.

My favourite section, also the first tip from Muhammad is:

Communicate Even If You Have Nothing to Say
It baffles me to see that most of the people running popular social media sites (and new media sites in general) hardly communicate with their communities. When they do, it’s usually for one of two reasons, either an announcement of new features (which is useful for PR purposes), or to apologize for their mistakes (these apologies usually come after massive uproar, not in the absence of). Write to your community and participate in your community even if you don’t have something ground breaking to say, and definitely communicate with your community if you’re going to be making changes that will effect thousands of loyal users.

Read the other four lessons over on Mashable.