So yesterday I was at a local department store taking care of some back to school business. As I approached the checkout line, I noted the “Follow us” posters at each cash register. Each poster included the words “Follow Us!” and showed Faebook and Twitter icons.  That’s it.

Which led me to the following questions:

• How do I follow you? – Not everyone is Internet savvy, and some people done know what that “F” or “t” means.  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter might have been a better a suggestion.
• Where do I follow you? Am I to assume you’re @localdepartmentstore on Twitter or Department Store Name on Facebook? What if you’re not?  I don’t want to spend an hour search the socials for your correct address. What if I’ve never been on Twitter or Facebook before? I’ll have no idea how to find you.
• Why do I want to follow you? Do you offer discounts to your community? Are your members enjoying each other’s company? I’d like to know what’s in it for me beyond links to your stuff.

People are busy. They don’t want to be bothered searching, especially when they don’t know what they’re searching for. If you want them to join your community, be specific. Publish your Facebook and Twitter addresses and let your potential community members know  what they’ll get out of it.

Don’t magically expect people to show up, offer direction.

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Over the past few months, I’ve been added to more Facebook groups than I can count on hands and feet. No one asked my permission mind you, they just added me. I’ve also been added to newsletter lists, mailing lists, affiliate lists and email groups.  Again, no one asked me.

Allow me to explain the beauty of the opt in…

When you add someone to a mailing list or a discussion group without their permission, it’s the equivalent of dragging them to a party or club meeting against their will, whether it’s a topic they care to discuss or not. It’s also the equivalent of sending them catalogs and junk mail they didn’t request in the first place. It’s totally not cool.

Opt in mailing lists and groups are when someone with a newsletter or discussion group says to his community, “Here is my list.  I don’t want to force it upon you, but feel free to sign up for it if it piques your interest. You’re under no obligation.”  The Community member signs up and receives a confirmation link to click just to make double sure he wants to receive said mailing or membership. Everyone is happy.

What happens when a group or mailing list doesn’t offer the aforementioned opt-in form and links?

What happens when you start such a gosh darn awesome private Facebook or other group and you want to invite all your friends? You do just that, you invite.  Blindly adding means you’re forcing someone to join your group without your permission. Chances are, your friends don’t really want to join this group, but they’re too polite to say no. They don’t want to hurt your feelings.  After time they start sneaking away, hoping you don’t notice.

If your group doesn’t offer an opt in or invite program, the onus is on you to do it manually. Say to your friends and followers, “Hey, I’m starting a group about collecting fireflies. Any other firefly enthusiasts who want to join, let me know or sign up here.” Now, everyone who wants to be in the group is in the group and not slinking away in the middle of the night. No one is annoyed at you (but not telling you) for adding them to yet another list.

Asking permission is good manners

It’s good manners to ask. Don’t assume everyone wants to be part of your club.

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Do you know what you’re retweeting?

I consider a retweet an endorsement or recommendation, like the sharing of a good book or interesting news item. Yet, every time I see a link receive mass retweets  I wonder if the retweeters are recommending the link  because of it’s content, because they’re supporting the person who dropped the original tweet,  or because the headline is eye catching.

Over the past couple of days, I watched a link receive major, major (I’m talking celebrity even) retweets.  I was just about to retweet too, but then I felt it important to visit the link.  After reading the link I did a little more research and realized there might be more to the story than met the eye, and if so, how could I endorse it? I don’t want to share something I’m not sure about myself.

As I saw the retweets fly, and there were hundreds of them, I wondered how many of those people were tweeting because of a shocking headline or because a celebrity tweeted,  and how many stopped to read and investigate before tweeting.

So here are some things I think about when I see mass retweets:

• Are you sharing a link because you read the post or article and believe in what it says?
• Are you sharing because you know everything you want to know from the headline?
• Are you sharing because you were asked to?
• Are you sharing because you trust the person who originally tweeted?

Is there ever an occasion where you don’t read before you share, and if so, why?

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Yesterday I received a Facebook friend request from my Mom. My Mom! Truly, I never thought I’d see this day. Mind you, mom is rather tech savvy, especially when you consider her age. An age I’m not allowed to reveal under peril of death.

My mother worked from home designing courses for accountants until she was five years past retirement age. I’m not allowed to tell you that age, but she did work from home, on a laptop, using current technology until that age.  Even after that age, mom stayed online. She digests much of her news online and keeps in touch with friends and family online. She even Skypes.  So mom’s not one of those, ” I don’t know anything about computers and I’m not going to start at this late stage of my life” types of Seniors. Crap, did I say Senior? I meant mom could almost be considered a Senior if she didn’t look and act so gosh darned young.

I’m digressing again, aren’t I?

I don’t mind communicating with my family online. Indeed, I even had a forum installed so my mom and five brothers and sisters had a place to talk and share pictures online, rather than clogging up email inboxes with forwards and family discussions. But then Facebook came along and we mostly spent our time there. Well, those of us who bothered with the forum anyway. All through it, Mom insisted she was too busy for Facebook. Which is true. So when I got her request yesterday I was pleasantly surprised.  Since I streamlined my Facebook account to only be a place for personal friends and family to gather, I don’t feel as awkward about sharing personal details or family photos anymore. It’s the perfect opportunity for Mom to receive additional updates about my life and that of her grandchild’s. But then I got to thinking, what does this mean for the way I use Facebook.

Let me explain…

I like to think I can behave in public.  I don’t swear all that much and I’m pretty respectful of others. But now, I’m checking myself before I post.

• Is it too bawdy for Mom? I don’t really get bawdy on Facebook so probably not.
• Is the language too strong for Mom? Probably not, I don’t use strong language on Facebook.
• Will she find some of the links I share offenseive? I’m sure. I mean, The Oatmeal is one of my funnest shares, but I think we can all agree it has moments of inappropriate-ness. So I may have to announce some links as not being safe for Mom.
• Will she think I talk too much on Facebook? Yes. Without question.
• Will Mom like my friends? Total hit or miss but I like to think I’m a good judge of character.

Now, I’m really mindful about the things I post online. Boy, have I learned some important lessons about that! However, with Mom on Facebook I find I’m policing myself before  I post. “What would Mom say?”  So last night I read through quite a few pages of past status updates and you know what? I think we can all agree I’m quite the prolific Facebook poster, but I also do Mom proud.

She must have done a good job raising me.

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To the Teens in My Life Who Also Happen to Be Facebook Friends,

I adore you even though you probably view me as the crazy aunt/cousin/friend who overshares on Facebook and talks too much about Twitter, my child and the weather.  It’s that adoration prompting me to reach out to you today. I  know Facebook is fun and allows you to comment on every day life, and all the other kids have it, but it’s time to start thinking about what you’re posting.

I know, I know. I’m old.  What do I know about Facebook anyway? I certainly don’t know anything about being a teen, so  where do I get off talking to teens about how they’re using Facebook? What’s next? Telling you all to get off my lawn?

Before you roll your eyes and write me off, I’m asking you to please consider the following.

1. Duckface is not attractive:  I’m not sure when the trend of pursing one’s lips into a most unappealing, botox looking, pseudo pout-kissy lips face came into being, but we need to nip it in the bud.  Now. No one looks good doing it. How hard is to smile in to the camera, anyway?  What is the reason for this? Friends don’t let friends make duckface.
2. Swearing on Facebook is tacky: What happened to manners and respect? It’s uncomfortable watching a stream of F-bombs go by from people who are using them just for the sake of using them. Creative, intelligent people can find words to use that aren’t so off-putting.
3. It’s OK to spell out words:  The only thing worse than kids who write in text speak, is adults who write only in text speak. Seeing nothing but abbreviations and numbers hurts the eyes.  It’s Ok, to spell out words. Facebook isn’t a text.  Astound your friends with your intelligence by typing out “Oh my God!” or “Today.” Also? Type “laughing out loud” next to every sentence and see how silly it really looks.
4. If your Facebook is nothing but proclamations of your undying love to your baby/honey/boo you probably need to take it private: Seriously. No one needs to see that.
5. There’s such a thing as TMI: A good rule of thumb is to not post anything online you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the New York Times. There are several reasons for this. First, certain things simply aren’t anyone’s business.  I don’t need to know if it’s that time of the month,  who you hooked up with last night or how long you were in the bathroom after eating at Taco Bell. (Yes, this is all stuff I read about from teens on Facebook.) Second, you have to consider everyone who is on Facebook before you post this stuff. For example, your old out of touch aunt. Or your boss, mother, father or co-workers. Fellow teens too because they’ll gossip about your private stuff behind your back. And make no mistake, they ARE doing that.
6. Stuff has a way of coming back to haunt you: People gossip. They remember. Bosses, college recruiters, attorneys, police…no matter how private you feel your Facebook is, there’s always the potential for people who you don’t want viewing your account to view your account. Even if you didn’t invite them. For example, the police can access your Facebook if they have reason to suspect illicit activities.
7. If you’re promiscuous on Facebook, how are you acting in real life? If you don’t want people gossiping about you in school or the neighborhood, then stop posting stuff for them to gossip about.
8. Police your friends: If they’re posting on your wall about how much fun they had cutting with you, or if they’re swearing or talking about partying and other stuff you don’t want getting out, you need to have a chat with them about discretion.  By doing this your friends are also giving away your personal information and that can cause trouble for you.
9. Choose your words carefully: Words can hurt people. Even if you delete a post later, it was still out there.  Think before you fire off in anger or do something to seek vengeance.
10. Do you really know thousands of people? Make sure people you friend are truly your friends, especially if you’re one of those TMI people. The sad, sorry truth is you can’t trust everyone, and not everyone is who they say they are. Make sure you know everyone you’re sharing with.
11. WTF, LMAFO, FUBAR and other abbreviations with an “F” in it are still swearing, even if it’s too much trouble to spell out the words. All I’m asking is that you think about what you’re really saying.
12. Here are some things you probably shouldn’t be posting on Facebook: What classes you’re cutting, who you had sex with the night before, how much money is in your bank account, your phone number, your address, pictures of you with very little clothing, drunk photos, and pictures of you making out with random hookups.
13. You have more frenemies than friends: I can tell you that not everyone has the best intentions. People who say they’re your friends, your really, really good friends, sometimes aren’t. They’re taking your private details and gossiping, or sharing photos you don’t want anyone to share.  Ditto ex-significant others. Before you post something, think about whether or not it’s appropriate and if someone can use it against you.
14. You need to check your privacy settings: If everyone can view your images, your wall and your personal details, you need to take a look at your settings and fix that. Unless you want the whole world to know what classes you cut or who you hooked up with.
15. There are implications to having your boss as a friend: For example, if you call in sick to work, but post pictures of you out drinking all night? Not a good thing. If you bash co-w0rkers, customers, clients, and the people and company you work for, you can lose your job. Sure, you can say it’s your personal Facebook account or that you’re just being honest, but your boss doesn’t see it that way.

Just think about it, that’s all I ask.

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I love watching different online communities interact. I especially enjoy seeing different community managers do their thing.  It’s truly a position for the right personality and the most successful are funny, engaging and creative.  They’re not just going through the motions on Twitter and Facebook, they’re getting creative with the campaigns and thinking beyond social networking for their outreach. But I think there’s more to being a good community manager than Twitter and Tweetups. There’s also the ability to engage members beyond small talk.

As I observe community managers to gather thoughts and ideas  for my book and think back to  my own experiences, I notice the most successful community managers do one thing right: They don’t make the community about them.

Here are some of my thoughts about community management, and especially how the community manager goes about daily interaction.

• Community isn’t about the community manager, it’s about the people who make up the community: When we’re regulars in a community we know who our communnity manager is, but we also know she’s not the most vocal, in your face person there. Instead, she takes a back seat, allowing everyone to interact on their own unless she needs to step in to moderate a discussion, drop a discussion topic or launch something. She’s not making the community about her, she’s making it about them.
• There’s a difference between personality and TMI: Make no mistake, community managers need to inject a little personality into the gig, otherwise they’re just some boring moderator. However, it’s important to understand the difference between being yourself and forcing yourself on to your community. Being yourself is letting your personality shine through – if you’re funny, you use humor in your interactions with the community. If you enjoy a good read and discussion, you might find interesting links to share. That’s different from telling everyone about your home life, love life, partying habits.
• People can’t always relate to personal stories: One thing I learned is that people can’t always relate to my life, because my life doesn’t relate to everyone in the community. That doesn’t mean I can’t be myself or involve my personality, it simply means not everyone relates to my stories or my day or my life. I get the best reaction when I approach common ground.
• Negativity brings people down:  Something I really had to work hard at was in not bringing down the mood of the community.  I don’t think anyone sets out to do this on purpose, but when we talk about a bad day, complain about poor service, gripe about co-workers or family members or generally grumble about any state of affairs, it presents the wrong tone. Ditto arguing with others, posting depressing discussion topics, and keeping anything less than a positive tone. When I owned my freelance writing community I noticed the reaction to posts with a positive notes. Accusatory, lecturing, angry or depressing topics either got a bad reaction, no reaction, or led to the wrong type of reaction and my community let me know loud and clear it wasn’t what they were there for.
• Never forget why you’re there: All communities have a goal. The goal could be to teach  or it could be to sell. Perhaps it’s to drive advertising or traffic, but there’s still a goal. All interactions should be made with that goal in mind, even if we’re not so obvious with our intentions.
• Community management is a public gig, going way beyond the immediate community: Here’s a message that hit home in the worst way – However I conduct myself in public, whether that’s offline public at a conference or meetup, or online public on the social networks, it directly affects the brand and community I work for…even if I’m on a personal account. Now, I can say it doesn’t matter because it’s personal, but it does. People read stuff I write here and decide if I feel a certain way, BlogWorld, my employer, must feel that way too. The same with what I say on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, at conferences, etc.  They don’t feel the same way I do about a lot of things, but I have to be careful of what I write, say and how I act because there are times when it reflects upon the brand I work for.

As a writer, one of the hardest aspects of online community management was in checking myself and thinking before I typed.  Success came when I made it less about me and more about my community. It didn’t mean I couldn’t be myself or add my personality to the mix, but it did mean that I had to be more aware of what I was putting out there. What do you think about this?  How much of you do you put into your community, and how much do you keep in check?

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This post is about email, the email you might send to your favorite blogger or social media enthusiast, or someone you’re seeking advice or need a favor from. As I catch up on email after a week away, I find I’m getting a little stressed out.  I wonder if people who send email read what they write half the time, or if they really feel being pushy, negative or bullying is the way to go about doing business.

People, you need to check yourselves.

Now, I get these types of emails all the time, but as I’ve been catching up this week, it seems more consolidated and thus, I’m a little cranky about it.

• Someone who started out with a very angry request for advice and threatened to write me a letter a day until I responded.
• Several people who want me to drop everything I’m doing to perform a specific action right now.
• People who tell me a specific action is the “least I can do” because (insert reason that is out of my hands or has nothing to do with me here)
• People who try to  play the friend card to get in a particular door.

Holy cats! When did we turn into people who are so entitled we forget our manners?  I enjoy being helpful and try hard to be accessible,  but sometimes the tone of the emails I receive is so off putting they stick with me all day. I don’t ask for much. I’m pretty easy going. Please. If you’re sending someone an email, check yourself. You’d be surprised at how a little less entitlement and a little more please and thank you go a long way in helping you to achieve your particular goal.

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It’s 5:00 a.m. I’m working in the dark and my soundtrack is a snoring husband and the pound of the surf outside the sliding glass doors of my hotel room. When we booked this family vacation, our first in five years, I had every intention of unplugging and leaving the laptop at home. Then The Book came along, and with it deadlines, and now I’m up every early every morning dealing with Author Review so I have my days free to enjoy my family.

What I really want to be doing is snoring away in bed next to my husband, sleeping until some UnGodly hour.  Instead, I’ll probably end up nodding off in the car as we head to our next destination or falling asleep before the rest of my family because I’m up so early getting ‘er done.

Over the past year I gave up pretty much all my clients in favor of a full time opportunity. I did it because I learned freelancing and freedom aren’t necessarily synonymous. Though I’m so thankful for this book opportunity, and I hope it’s the first of many, I also hope this is the last time I go away with my family and bring work. A major shift in attitude from the past ten years.

I used to think traveling with a laptop was freedom. Freedom from bosses. Freedom from 9 – 5. Freedom from dress codes. Freedom. Now I realize the true freedom comes from traveling without cords and chargers. Total unpluggage.

This trip is the last time I bring work on a family vacation. Though I’m so happy to have the kind of lifestyle allowing me to make my own hours, and I’m thrilled to be writing The Book, I know what would make my life even more perfect.

Leaving the laptop at home.

When was the last time you truly unplugged? When was the last time you blew off clients, email, Twitter, Facebook and the whole online world to sleep in next to a snoring spouse?  Next time, deadlines be damned, I’m going to do it.

How about you?

Can you truly unplug?

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When you work at home you tend to spend more hours at your job.  Your work calls for you.  You sit down at 8:00 a.m. and work until 6:00 a.m. and sometimes you work longer days than that. You also stop a lot during the day, especially if it’s summer time and kids are home. I find I work a few hours and then I stop and take my son to whatever activity I need to take him to. Then I work a few hours and pick him up. Then I work a few hours and break for dinner or the family dog walk. And then I work again.

After a while, the lines between work and play become blurry.

The lines are further blurred because of  the social networks. The people I work with, do business with, and network with are on the social networks, and so are my friends and family. Sometimes I don’t necessarily want my family seeing all my business updates, and certainly much of the stuff I send out is no one’s personal business.

I need my space.

Now, I know much of it, Ok, all of it, is my fault. I’m the one choosing to overshare on the social networks, and I certainly am the one who’s adding all these friends and followers. Plus, I’m the one creates my own business hours as well.

Creating boundaries after you operated in a certain manner for ten years is sort of like dieting after you put on a lot of weight.  It doesn’t come off easy and changing habits is way hard

I love what I do. I’m not sitting at my laptop at all hours of the night because of poor time management (for the  most part). Most of the time I simply can’t tear myself away.

Still, I decided it’s time to take my life back.

• Closed Facebook to all but family and personal friends: This caused quite a stir, and even though I told everyone on Facebook I was doing it, too many people took it personally. Especially many people I never met in person. I didn’t do it because of a “noisy” feed, or because I had too many friends. I did it because I wanted a place just to share with my friends and family without the rest of the world knowing my business. What surprises me is how many people feel I’m selfish or rocking a huge ego,  even though I invited  everyone who isn’t connected to me in the real world to interact with me on Twitter or G+. Half the people who I culled from the list didn’t speak to me at all on Facebook, but wrote to complain about being dropped. It was an interesting result.
• Shut off my Skype during non business hours: If I’m working, Skype is on. If I’m not working, Skype is off. I used to keep it on all the time so I could talk to friends and family, but it got to the point everyone assumed I was working, even if it’s a Sunday at 2:30 in the afternoon. Now, Skype is only a business tool. If it’s on, folks are welcome to contact me with work related stuff. If it’s off, it’ll have to wait.  The people who need to reach me with business-related emergencies, know how to reach me via email, cell phone, etc.  It got kind of off putting to put on my Skype on Saturday night and receive a barrage from people who wanted to know if they can speak at BlogWorld.
• Learned to say no: I’m a sucker for a good story. It’s why I used to have so many clients I never had free time. Then I learned to say no. I have a full time job and I’m writing what I hope is the first of many books. I don’t need anymore clients. Even if they have a good story.
• Stopped answering the business line on weekends: I have an office line for my full time job, and it rings all the time. And I used to answer it all the time. Until I realized people understand if you don’t answer the phone late on Thursday night or Saturday afternoon.  Folks don’t respect my time because I let them.  So I changed that.
• Family time is family time: In all my line blurring, my family had to put up with the most. Late nights on the laptop,  neglected chores and no time spent doing fun things because I worked all weekend.  Family time is family time and they should always come first. Period.

I will say this, when I worked a traditional 9 to 5 job, I certainly had more free time. I left my job at the end of the day and that was it until next time. However, I  hope never to go back to that. I have the flexibility to do so many different things.  I can work at home from my family room comfy chair, and break to drive my son to camp or a friend’s house. And darnit, if I want to stop and take the family to a movie, I can do that too. I can also focus better without having to deal with office politics, co-workers who do nothing but gossip or yack on the phone all day, and a micromanaging boss breathing down my neck.

Everyone sees telecommuting as being this wonderful and glamorous lifestyle. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything glamorous about it at all. There are perks, to be sure, but not glamour. While it does afford me the opportunity to be flexible and less stuffy, if I’m not careful lines become blurry. That’s the part I don’t like, the blurry lines.

How do you balance work and life when you’re home based? How do you keep those lines from getting blurry?

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