The contents of my spam filter disappoint. As someone who recommends everyone learn as much as possible about their customers and clients in order to do business, I’m tempted to contact some of these spammers and give them a lesson in basic marketing.
I do not, nor have I ever, nor will I ever,
- Need help growing male body parts
- Need to enhance my sex life
- Want to have an affair with a zebra dressed in a cheer leader outfit
I mean, come on. If you knew anything about me you’d know that I’m happily married, heterosexual, female and planning to stay that way, and am in no way turned on by zebras, no matter what they’re wearing. There may be a market for these, but this is not the place. If you, the spammer, took the time to read this or any of the other blogs you’re spamming you’d know I’m not your girl, and you wouldn’t have to send underpaid third world writers from blog to blog writing crap. You could save your ten cents a post and use it to buy a clue.
Spam disguised in commenters’ clothing
Do you think we’re not smart enough to know that “Cheap DVD” is not a real name and that posting, “Wow. I never thought of it that way. I’m going to have to visit more often” on every single blog post is an approvable comment?
One post? You may have a chance. Twenty posts saying the same thing? Not so much.
I’ll admit, I may have let a “Free Credit” go through when I wasn’t paying attention because, darnit, Free was so sincere with his praise regarding my blogging prowess. After some time I caught on, though. I get that people come from all walks of life, and my favorite names aren’t your favorite names, but “Work from Home Typing Jobs?” Even the happiest teleworker wouldn’t damn her child to twelve years of schoolyard hell with that name. I have to say, though, it’s hard to let some of these remarks go. They’re so good for my ego when they tell me, “You write the goodest blog. I wish I had your blog skills.”
Long winded spam
Also? Spammers? Brevity. Learn it. Use it. Embrace it. Love it. It’s one thing to let a brief, complimentary blog post go through because we bloggers want to believe the love coming our way is real, but what’s with the long lists of links? That isn’t going to fly in comment world, whether you’re a spammer or the most famous blogger in the world. My comments section isn’t a blogroll, keep your link lists to yourself.
Put a little thought into your spam
What disappoints me most about spam is the lack of care and attention put into the comment. If I’m writing a post about building blog traffic, comments like this are just a little off topic:
Houses are quite expensive and not everybody can buy it. Nevertheless, mortgage loans was created to aid different people in such kind of cases.
And if I’m writing about the best places to find social media jobs, this is just a tad unrelated:
The credit loans are essential for people, which are willing to organize their company. By the way, that’s easy to receive a college loan.
In all fairness at least those are complete sentences. However, do the spammers think I’m such a comment-whore I’d let this one go through?
Buy vicodin online without….
Vicodin online. Vicodin withdrawl. Vicodin. Liquid vicodin. How l ong does vicodin stay in your system. Purchase vicodin online….
Come on, spammers. Put a little thought into it. Get creative. You’re wasting both our time with this silliness. If you’re spamming my blog in hopes of getting a comment through, make it look like something Askimet won’t catch and that a real human being will respond to. Use real names and become part of the discussion. Don’t tell us about your mortages or Viagra because that has nothing to do with the effing conversation.
A bit of advice, from me to you...
If you’re wondering why no one is actually clicking your spammy links, it’s likely we hit “trash” and they never get to see the light of day. If you wonder why they’re trashed, it’s because they’re idiotic. They make no sense and when they do they have some stupid “Buy Cheap Garage” name attached. We don’t care about your spam because you don’t take the time to care about us. Learn the market, learn how to talk to people, and just maybe we won’t even know you’re spamming us.
{ 3 comments }
I hate those types of email/blog posts too. I have a addon with my email, so I don’t see them in my main mail. They go directly to my spam folder. I do look through them just to make sure a real comment hasn’t slipped through.
Spammers do enjoy praising your blog. The majority of my spam sits in never make it to the post. Since I haven’t approved any of their comments before. With some of the questionable ones, I’ve copied/pasted to see whether they had commented the exact same thing elsewhere. Naturally, their name attached to that comment popped up on numerous blogs. If you aren’t bothered to leave a genuine comment on my blog, why do they think I’m going to approve it?
It baffles me why some think this approach actually works. If you’re not going to put the time/effort to interact with me, don’t be suprised if you are ignored.
Deb, more than anything else, that is what keeps me from opening up comments on my blog. I get so many that I must moderate the comments. Thanks!
Ha! The character-based language comments are also a dead giveaway. I don’t speak Korean.
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