Now, you may think it’s a silly analogy, but I think there are many important comparisons. Who you trust, who you put your loyalties behind, and what those people do (or don’t do) to repay that trust and loyalty all play a part in the overall mood of the community. If you don’t act in the best interests of your people, anarchy and chaos ensue.

Behold, 5 community lessons from Game of Thrones.

Warning: May create a spoiler or two.

1. When you have the trust of your community, it’s a good idea to stick around

Community managers are torn in different directions. Everyone needs us for something. Though our first loyalty is to the brands that hired us, we also have a loyalty to the people in our community. There is no task so important that it should keep the community team away from the people.

When the community is abandoned, two things happen. The first thing is that people lose faith in the brand and discontent sets in. They complain and eventually they leave for greener pastures.  The second thing that can happen is someone else can appoint himself community leader and take over. This leads to resentment. If you build a community you have to stick with it. You have to talk with your people every single day. You have to give them a reason to put faith behind you and your brand. If they think you don’t care, they won’t care. It’s as simple as that.

Why should there always be a Stark in Winterfell? Because as soon as the Starks began to leave Winterfell everything fell to crap. Now those Starks who aren’t dead are stuck in some pretty gruesome situations and Winterfell has fallen. Even if they come back, their community is a pile of smoking ruins. Don’t let this happen to yours.

2. Just because you’re in charge doesn’t mean people will like you

My way or the highway may work in Kings Landing, but it won’t fly in an online community.

People appreciate leaders who are caring, show compassion and look out for the general good of the people. Leaders who are mean, abusive, and are in it for themselves find themselves dead or overthrown. If you’re not a people person, consider a different career. Community managers need to think about others more than they think about their own personal agendas.

Joffrey Baratheon may be powerful but no one likes him, and even more important, no one trusts him. Make decisions and interact with the best interests of your community in mind. Don’t be that guy.

3. With the right nurturing your community will grow over time

Ok, so your community is kind of small, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you should step aside. A community doesn’t have to be an overnight sensation to be successful.

If you take the time to learn about the people who make up your tribe and do the right thing by them, you’ll achieve a wonderful steady growth. Being in charge doesn’t mean pontificating to the masses and making up silly rules, it means taking the time to gauge their wants and needs. When you have the trust, respect and faith of your community, and if  you’re welcoming to all, you’ll notice a good, steady growth. Over time you’ll achieve the numbers you hoped for, and you’ll have a reputation of being the best at what you do.

Danearys Targaryen may lead a small group of followers but they’re extremely loyal because she takes care of them. Plus she has dragons, and that kind of rocks.

It is known.

4. Too many crowns only lead to confusion

Westeros is an interesting continent.  It has the warmth of the South, the cold beauty of the North, and even a few Wildings and White Walkers beyond The Wall to mix things up a bit. But do you know what it doesn’t have? A community united behind one single king.

People just can’t up and appoint themselves as leaders, they have to earn that role. Moreover, when everyone wants to be king, it gets to where no one knows who to put their faith behind. In this social media age, everyone is looking for a title and sometimes those titles don’t make a bit of sense. It’s better to not be in charge than to be one of five people vying for the crown. Having more community leaders and moderators than you have members is kind of silly.

If people are confused they won’t stick around and if you’re good at what you do you’ll earn your title. The iron throne isn’t built for comfort. If you’re going to seek it out, be sure you’re ready for all the aches and pains that come with it.

5. The right team makes all the difference

Varys, Littlefinger, and anyone with the last name “Lannister” all have their own agenda, none of which match up to be in the best interests of the community they help to govern.  The community manager is only a small part of what makes a community tick. There’s a whole team of customer support, marketing, editiorial, and operational people to help things run smoothly.

You may only know your community manager’s name, but rest assured there’s a whole awesome team behind him or her. When everyone works together, the community is positive and productive. When they’re off to pursue their own agendas, that disconnect and discontent also reflects on the community. If the team behind the community doesn’t care, neither will the people who makes up the community.

It’s all about trust. Robert Baratheon’s council didn’t have it and look where they are now. But don’t worry. I won’t spoil that one for you.

Are you a Game of Thrones fan? What lessons can you take from it?

I belong to several different online community management groups via LinkedIn, Facebook and email. Every now and then an aspiring community manager asks, “How do I get started.” For me it’s not a simple “Here’s what you do” type answer, because each community has a different purpose, and thus, a different set of goals.

Once you work out the goals for your community, you can determine a plan of action.

• Is your goal to drive sales? It’s OK to answer yes to this, even though we all want to convince others the purpose behind our community is to get all warm and fuzzy, the truth is there’s usually a bottom line somewhere and it’s usually rooted in money. If one of your goals is to drive sales, your community building efforts have to lead towards sales. This means setting up landing pages before anything else so some community discussions can lead to the sale. It also means you’re going to have to work out how many sales or promotional messages to leave on your discussion pages each day. People don’t want to be pitched to and will leave if everything is a sales spiel. Create a plan to entice the sale, without a lot of in your face tactics.
• Is your goal to learn more about the people who use your product or service? Maybe your goal is to lead to a sale without actually doing any selling. For example, maybe you want to learn more about the people who are spending money on your brand in order to entice more people to use your brand. An online community is the perfect way to do that. So rather than create a sales plan of action, you should create some fun campaigns to learn more about your growing community. This can be through essay contests, polls, quizzes, questions, Twitter chats and open forums. There’s no sale here, but when you know about the people who make up your community you can create advertising and marketing campaigns that will speak to buyers.
• Is your goal to drive traffic? Your goal may have nothing to do with selling or making money, or your goal may be the community itself. If your goal is to drive traffic to your blog or community pages, it’s all about the link  - but you have to do it without being spammy. Participate in discussions in like-minded communities and create discussion topics on your own social pages. You can drop links during the appropriate times, and by having more discussion type updates than spammy links you’re creating more trust in your brand and your pages.
• Is your goal to provide customer service? Some community managers are there to monitor the social networks and see what folks are saying about their product or service. They thank the people who are saying good things, and offer to help the people who aren’t having a good experience. In between all that they’re joining conversations, sharing news and creating a strong online presence.
• Is your goal to create a group of advocates? If you’re trying to start a word of mouth marketing campaign, you wouldn’t use the same tactics you would if your goal is to drive more traffic to your blog or website. Instead of selling, you might share instead. Post images of your team at work and share news and updates about the brand. Let your community know what you’re working on and how you’re improving on old ideas. As questions, give surveys and let them know you’re there from them. If your community feels you’re taking care of them, the rest will fall into place.

The biggest community management mistake is in thinking all online communities are alike. They’re not. You can learn from other communities and community managers but you can’t flat out copy them because you have a different community. Don’t come in and immediately put a plan into place. Instead, observe. Talk to your team and talk to your community. Discuss your brand’s goals and find out what the community wants from the brand.

Once all that’s in place, you can start your plan of action.

What’s the goal for your community and what’s your plan of action?

Everyone is talking about Pinterest, the social “pinning” site used to share, well, anything.  It’s a little early to say, but judging by the buzz (and the amount of people posting about Pinterest on their blogs), it has a good chance of becoming the top social site for 2012 and perhaps the next big thing.

Pinterest is different from your Facebook, Twitter or Google plus because it’s not about posting a sentence or paragraph in hopes of starting a conversation. Instead, folks post images of things that interest them and that’s what gets the conversation started. At this point, most of the people I follow on Pinterest are talking about food, fashion and home, but the sky is the limit. Pinterest is giving us an opportunity to share our interests and find other people who enjoy the same. It’s also giving me an opportunity to see another side of my social media friends. I can tell you who is renovating, who are moonlighting as foodies, who are expecting kids, and what kinds of books everyone is reading.  Pinterest is a very cool tool.

Because I’m now tasked with handling the community growth and outreach for the company I work for, I’ve been thinking about the different ways Pinterest can be used as a community building tool. Unlike Facebook, you create boards, not groups. And unlike Twitter, the image is the focus, not the pithy comment. Also, there aren’t brand pages on Pinterest, it’s all individual people sharing, so the community building might not be so obvious and cut and dry.

Still, I have some ideas…

1, Learn About Community Members

We only know as much as our community members are willing to share. And while many of our members will follow us on Twitter, they’re not going to friend us on Facebook because they don’t know us very well and most use Facebook as a tool for connecting with personal friends and family, not community managers.  Pinterest is interesting though, when we follow someone’s boards, we learn more about their likes and dislikes. We can tell their fashion sense, the types of television shows they’re watching, and even a little about their sense of humor.  We don’t have to follow every one of their boards, either, only those that interest us the most.

Pinterest is an excellent way to gather demographic information because we can learn age groups, interests and a little bit about what folks do for a living, and what they like to do in their spare time. But it’s not a big brother sort of thing. The peek into the lives of others isn’t intrusive because we’re viewing  what they want to share with us, and they know exactly who they’re sharing it with.

2, Start a Brand Board

Like any social network, the last thing anyone wants Pinterest to become is a haven for spammers.  However, there’s nothing wrong with having a relevant brand board. I’m not saying to drop links and advertisments all day, every day, because that’s not community building. Instead, share. For example, the board I’m just starting to build for BlogWorld will share photos from our event, fun stuff from community members, and team and member achievements.  I might also share fun stuff found at other conferences, tips for attending our conference and share news about our speakers. Remember, though, Pinterest is more visual. So the sharing will be in images with only a little descriptive text underneath.  There’s plenty of room for comments, though.

3. Find People of Interest

Pinterest offers community managers a whole new opportunity to find new community members. By searching relevant topics we’re able to meet people who might be interested in what we do. Simply follow the boards and people who you feel would benefit from your community and engage (with spamming or being pushy, please.).  They’ll receive a notice that you’re following and if they’re into it, they’ll also follow your boards to learn more about you or your brand.  They’ll also learn more through conversation.

4. Start a Related Board

An alternative (or companion) to the brand board is a related topic board. For example, in addition to a board for BlogWorld, my employer, I can also start boards for new media, blogging, conferences, and social media. As people start to follow those boards and the conversations ensue, they’ll learn more about who I am, what I do, and hopefully join BlogWorld’s other online communities.

5. Have a Conversation

It’s not enough to pin up a board or follow, like or repin someone else’s boards and pins. By taking some time to comment on pins and ask questions, you’re engaging with people who could become part of your online community. Search interesting topic and let Pinners know what you think of their pins. Join existing conversations and share your point of view.  Even though Pinterest isn’t a text heavy social network, it’s still a place to engage.

Pinterest is still in early adapter stages, but more people are joining every day. The ways to grow community may not be as obvious as Facebook or Twitter, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Take some time to explore and learn how Pinterest can benefit you, your brand and your community. You may find it to be an important tool in your outreach.

How are you using Pinterest?

Community management is a lot of trial and error, and every community is different. However, there are a few universal things that seem to be a given no matter what type of community you’re managing. For example, scheduled updates to the social networks.

When I owned my freelance writing community, I had both Twitter and Facebook accounts set up to carry the feeds from all eight blogs in the network. Let me tell you, it drove plenty of traffic my way and I was pleased with how it was turning out.  As much as  it drove traffic, that’s all it drove. Because I “set it and forget it” I wasn’t participating in a discussion that ensued around my content. I continued to carry my feeds on the social networks, but when it occurred to me I wasn’t building community, but, rather, traffic, I began looking for ways to engage rather than broadcast.

The people who own online communities are very much interested in results. Perhaps they want community engagement to lead to a sale, or more traffic or ad clicks, but there’s always a bottom line. When you only drop scheduled links and announcements, there’s no incentive or vested interest and you’re telling your community they’re not important and interesting enough to have a conversation with. You’re telling them  you’re only interested in the bottom line.

You can’t schedule a spontaneous conversation

Community is spontaneous. No matter how much you schedule updates, there’s no guarantee folks will respond to what you’re telling them. What kind of boring conversation is going to ensue after you post ” Don’t forget to buy what we’re selling” a dozen times a day, anyway?  You simply can’t schedule community.

Now, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t schedule announcements and updates. However, if you’re only scheduling tweets and Facebook updates and not doing much of anything else, you’re not conversing, you’re broadcasting. By all means, schedule your important announcements but try and do it at a time where you’re sure to be around to answer any questions.

Also, take some time for your community. Stop by your channels and networks several times a day to see what folks are talking about and join the conversation. If a member mentions a milestone, offer congratulations. If another person is having a bad day, commiserate (without being negative) or offer best wishes for things to get better.  If members are discussing the latest tools and technology, ask questions or offer your own opinion. In between all that, start your own conversation and share links to interesting, relevant content found around the web.

Show your community they matter

When your community outreach features nothing but antiseptic, scheduled updates, you’re telling your community they’re not important enough for a conversation. You’re showing them they’re only there to follow a sale and lead to the bottom line. Community members don’t want to be a bottom line, they want to know you know who they are, and more important, that you care about them.

If there are only certain times a day you’re available for community outreach, that’s fine.  Instead of using that time to schedule updates throughout the day, have a conversation.  The more you try and be a part of your own community, and the more you let your community know interaction is important, the more your community will grow.  Once you have a positive, productive community you can worry more about your bottom line.  Just remember, if your community feels they’re more important than your bottom line, you’ll lose them.

Do you schedule updates? How much time do you spend scheduling v. interacting?

You can’t force community. If folks aren’t feeling it – either the brand, the community manager, or the people who make up the community – they’re not going to be productive members of said community. No one likes to be pressured to join a group or made to feel inferior for not participating. So it’s probably best not to get pushy about it or beg  or plead for comments or activity, that just makes for an uncomfortable situation.

The best online communities achieve growth organically. That is, the community grows naturally without much pressure or prodding from the community management. That isn’t to say there isn’t much guidance, but definitely the community isn’t forced or made to feel as if they have to participate.

It’s not difficult to achieve organic community growth.

Content marketing

Using content to attract members and raise awareness for your brand isn’t new by a longshot, but the term “content marketing” is currently achieving buzzword status. The content you create, whether it’s blog posts, web articles, tweets, Facebook updates or discussions on Google+ all have the ability to drive traffic to your community. When you present interesting discussion topics or topics relevant to a particular niche, folks are going to want to come by to learn more. The content you create not only has the ability to catch the immediate eye, but it also has the ability to attract the attention of the search engines, which means you could be attracting new members via your content for years to come. To do this, read your stats, and all community discussions to determine why folks are coming by. Content Marketing pro Marcus Sheridan recommends taking the top 50 questions folks ask about your brand or product and turn them into articles or blog posts. This will catch the attention of the search engines, and also the people who you want to stop by and have a conversation.

Stimulating discussions

There’s an art to conversation. People don’t like to be talked down to, lectured or have their intelligence insulted. They like to discuss topics of interest with like minded people. They’re not into constant smackdowns or drama, but they do appreciate respectful disagreement. When you have the conversation thing down, and have a reputation for having the conversation thing down, folks want to be a part of that.  If your community is known for having stimulating discussion topics, you’ll notice more people are staying than leaving and achieve a good, steady growth.  You won’t have to beg for comments, mention a lack of comments and constantly direct people to your topics.

Evergreen topics

Though it’s good to have timely, current discussions, there are also topics that continue to generate interest long after the discussion is initiated. Unlike current events, “evergreen” topics have the ability to draw in members for years to come. Evergreen topics can include how to’s,  background information, history, caring for tools, and anything that won’t be obsolete in a couple of months. For example, if you run a culinary community it’s fine to discuss the latest scandals in the celebrity chef world, but the people who are truly interested in gourmet cookery want to get to the nitty gritty. They want to learn about foods, techniques and tools. And yes, while food does have the ability to be trendy, writing about, say, the healing qualities of garlic or providing links to 100 watermelon recipes doesn’t run out of style. This is what will catch the attention of the search engines, and also the people who are doing the searching. If your discussion topics are interesting and intelligent, folks just won’t search. They’re going to stop by for a chat, thus achieving community growth.

Community moderation

The most popular online communities aren’t filled with members snarking at each other or calling each other names. They’re filled with respectful discussion. This doesn’t necessarily happen without a good moderator to make sure folks are following the rules. When a community is filled with drama and negativity, the only folks sticking around are those who thrive on drama and negativity. Well moderated communities might have their share of drama, but it’s dealt with swiftly and effectively so that most members aren’t aware any negativity occurred. Positive communities yield positive growth.

Member advocates

Word of mouth marketing is a beautiful thing. When people love what you do, they share it with others. If they’re enjoying an online experience, they’re sure to recommend to family and friends. Create a positive, productive experience, and your members will do your marketing for you. ( But that’s not an excuse for laziness on your part.)

What are some of the ways your growing (not forcing) your community?

Last week a blogging friend and I were talking about comments and community. She wondered what she was doing wrong because her blog posts yielded very few comments and when there were comments they were along the lines of “I agree,” or “Yes I did,” or “no I don’t.”  Responses were brief and left no room for further conversation.

The Problem With the Yes and No

Here’s the thing about community. Sometimes they show up on their own, but most of the time they’re waiting for an invitation. They’re not invasive and most don’t like to share their opinions unless they’re asked to do so.  When your blog post only asks a “Yes” or “No” question, you’re only going to receive “Yes” or “No” answers. And, really, where’s the fun in that?

Yes and no don’t invite discussion. They invite one words responses. Folks coming to seek a good conversation aren’t going to stick around if a good conversation isn’t happening. It’s not enough to ask if someone disagrees, knowing why they disagree is just as important – and it’s when you get past the “ifs” and into the “whys” that the true conversational magic happens.

Do you take the time to ask your readers what they think? Or do you only ask if they agree?

The Problem With Making Statements

Statements don’t invite conversation. They mostly say, “this is how I feel but I’m not interested in knowing how you feel.”  For your readers to want to comment you have to go beyond the statement and into the conversation.

• Create blog posts that leave room for discussion
• Don’t be afraid to ask the kinds of questions that lead to in depth responses
• It’s OK to be controversial now and then as long as you’re inviting the right kinds of discussions and not turning your blog into a hotbed of negativity.
• Allow for respectful disagreement. Know it’s OK for folks to disagree, but draw the line at pettiness, fights, attacks and sniping.
• Don’t beg for comments, but be sure your community knows you value their opinion.

Statements don’t allow for the above. Instead they’re mostly pontificating and they tell your readers you don’t care enough about their opinions to leave them opportunity to  encourage conversation.

Do you blog to create a statement or do you blog to create a conversation?

Planning an Open Ended Blog Post

I think the key to blog conversation is in creating blog posts with discussion in mind.  When you’re planning out the post, plan out the conversation. What do you hope your readers will take away from the post, and what do you hope they’ll talk about in the ensuing discussion? These are things to think about before you begin writing.

For example, my hope with this post is to have a conversation about engagement and what bloggers can do to foster a discussion about the topic at hand.  If I did my job properly, you’re going to read this post and have an opinion that you’d like to share with this community. Also, if I did my job properly, the questions in this post will not only inspire conversation it will also inspire you to engage your own community. What I’m hoping won’t happen is to be met with the sound of crickets.

I answered these questions before I wrote this post:

• Why am I writing this post?
• Who am I writing this post for?
• Does anyone want this information?
• If I were reading this post, what would make me want to comment?
• What do I want to learn from my community about this topic?
• Am I the only one who feels this way?
• What questions are YOU going to come up with after reading this post?
• Did I offer an opportunity for other people to join in?

To me, it makes no sense to blog if comments aren’t going to happen, and comments aren’t going to happen if I don’t give you something to talk about.

What do you do to create an open ended conversation with your readers?

It happened again. I read a brilliant blog post and wanted to share it with others but there were no share buttons. I had no way to retweet or post to my Facebook status. I couldn’t give it a Stumble, vote for it on Reddit or even share with my associates on Linked In.

And folks wonder why traffic is so slow to their blogs.

Here are some of the reasons I’ve read or heard for not having share buttons on blogs:

• “I don’t know how to install them:” In most cases, installing a share button is as simple as installing a plugin and activating a plugin and takes five minutes. If you’re unsure of how to do this, there are a million tutorials available on the web. Also, if you ask a more experienced blogger to help, most will say yes. Heck, you can even save up all your tweaks and hire someone to get all that done for you.
• “They clutter a blog.” Yeah, I know, we like clean blogs. But share buttons can be as big or small as you like. You can even get the kind that floats to the left side of the post so it’s out of the way, but in a spot where it’s always accessible. No one considers share buttons clutter, and no one will fault you for using them.
• “I’d rather have a link in a blog post.”Wouldn’t we all? Folks don’t link like they used to, especially now that it’s so easy to share on the social networks. Don’t sit around waiting for the phone. Get out there and mingle.
• “I’ve seen them but don’t know what they do or why I should have them.”Ok, so you know now.
• “It’s spam.” The lines between sharing and spamming are indeed becoming blurry. However, there’s a difference between sharing and discussing an interesting point of view and only spamming the social networks with links to your stuff. Sharing isn’t spam and as long as you’re not pushy about your own content, you’ll be fine.

I can tell you that after I installed my first “tweetmeme” button my life changed. Immediately my community began sharing my posts and I learned a good lesson in recipriocity. Now, whenever I read a fun or thought- provoking blog post or article, I always look for share buttons so others can enjoy them as well. This is why I’m so disappointed when share buttons are no where to be found.

Thanks to the share button:

• Your community shares your stuff with their community. One post can receive hundreds of shares and end up as discussion fodder in several different communities. People you may not even know might be sharing your stuff.
• You’re building community. Now that others have a link to your blog, they can visit more often and participate in the discussions.
• You’re driving traffic to your blog. Each person who shares your stuff, has the ability to share with a certain amount of people. For each share several people may visit. If you get about twenty shares, you can have hundreds of new visitors as a result.
• You’re creating awareness of your brand. Whether professional or personal, when folks see your stuff being retweeted or shared often, they’ll wonder why. Your name will be synonymous with trusted content and only lead to better opportunities.

Sharing is good juju. It makes us feel good to share your stuff, but we can’t if you don’t give us a way to do so. As much as we want to turn others on to what you do, most of us aren’t going to jump through hoops to tweet your link.

Providing share buttons encourages, well, sharing.

I’m a huge believer in the power of positivity as well as in keeping a respectful tone, even when others are anything but. Blogging has been a true test of my patience as there are times when I’m not feeling very positive after receiving a negative comment or email. Many times, the negative remarks warrant a response. However, sometimes they’re so angry it’s all I can do to keep from typing out an angry return.

Apparently I’m not the only one who feels this way because every now and then someone will send me an email,  DM or Skype asking me how I would handle a negative comment or situation. I don’t mind offering tips for defusing these situations and thought that maybe you would benefit from some of these tips as well. You might even have some suggestions of your own. Perhaps we can turn this into a regular feature.I’m thinking of  a regular series called “what would you say” in which I publicly respond to some of these questions and scenarios.

Last week, a fellow food blogger asked me how I would respond to this comment:

I tried your recipe and it was so awful I wouldn’t feed it to a homeless dog. You used too much pepper and the chicken came out overcooked.

How would I respond to this?

I’m so sorry this recipe didn’t work out for you as it’s a family favorite here at Casa Ng. Food is such a subjective thing, though. Sometimes a recipe doesn’t suit a particular palate or oven temperatures are off, killing a dish. The recipe must have at least piqued your interest or you wouldn’t have tried it, so maybe together we can work out a way to tweak it more to your liking. We can also ask this blog’s community to add their suggestions. Better yet, would you like to guest post your favorite chicken recipe for us to enjoy?

Now, sometimes folks who leave a negative comment do so to stir up trouble. We all know people like that. In those cases you’ll have to decide whether to respond, delete or ignore. The above commenter should probably work a bit on the delivery, it’s obvious the remark was meant to sting because there are nicer ways to say, “that recipe didn’t work for me.” However, the foodie thought the remark was valid as it was a pepper-heavy dish.

By acknowledging the comment and offering to help tweak the dish to the commenter’s liking she can diffuse a heated comment and add a positive twist to a negative situation. She may even earn a new fan. Plus, responding in a kind manner will make it so others in the community aren’t going to be turned off by a flame war.

What would you say if someone left you a comment like this?

Is there a negative comment or situation you need help with? Send it to deborahng@gmail.com and we’ll post it here. If I don’t have a solution, someone in the Kommein community is sure to have a helpful idea.



Most successful online communities are that way because of the mutual respect between members and community management. Whether the community is a brand wishing to to reach consumers or a forum where members talk about their favorite topic, the best online communities flourish because those in charge know these environments are made up of groups of like-minded people participating, and not one person alone.

When an online community is run well, members don’t even realize managers are there keeping things moving along. Instead, they see management as people who are contributing to the conversation, asking questions and allowing members to peacefully to interact. However, the reality is, they’re good at what they do because they follow a few simple rules:

1. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

The problem with publicly making promises is that someone will always hold you accountable. So if community members ask for a particular feature or product and you say “yes” but your superiors say “no” it can lead to a negative situation. If you promise something by a certain day, and that day passes, someone in your community will remind you of it. If you promise to bring in a person to answer questions, and that person can’t make it, you will be blamed because you’re the one who made the promise. Don’t offer to do or give anything to your community unless you know for sure you can deliver. Breaking promises is the best way to lose the trust of your community.

2. Don’t Allow One Negative Person to Set the Tone for Your Community

There are always one or two chronic malcontents in the group. They gripe about everything or bait management on every occasion. If this is allowed to happen, it encourages others to be negative. It also means the community manager is in for a hard time as the negative person will continue to snark and bait at every turn. For sure you want folks to speak freely, but you also want to ensure they do so respectfully. Anyone who doesn’t follow the rules has to pay the consequences. Don’t be afraid of words such as “censorship” and don’t worry about asking folks to tone down the language or play by the rules. Also, don’t worry about them threatening to trash you on Twitter or take it to a higher authority. If someone has truly been stirring up trouble, the people who matter know you’re doing your job and will stand behind you. If a negative member of the community feels you’re afraid of what will happen if you ban him or edit his posts to remove swear words, he’ll probably do whatever he can to bait you.

3. Don’t Lie…

Don’t make up answers. If you don’t know, say you’ll find out – and then do so. Don’t make up stories to make yourself or your business look good and don’t say anything that can be proven otherwise or come back to haunt you in any way. The problem is, if you lie to temporarily fix a situation it’ll be remembered on down the line. Members of the community will remind you and it may even come to light if you’re looking for another community manager job. We’re no longer living in a world where things can be covered up and swept under the rug. If you’re telling lies to your community they WILL find out and they won’t trust you anymore.

4. …But Be Mostly Honest

Transparency is good, but you don’t need to share very single detail of the day to day running of your community or business.  If it isn’t relevant, there’s no need to bring it up. Don’t sweep everything under the rug, but some items are best shared on a “need to know” basis.

5. Don’t Overshare

Your community doesn’t need to know about all your parties or sex life. They don’t need to see risque pictures or know what you did with your girlfriend the night before. They don’t even need to know how you spend your time offline, unless it’s relevant to the topic or talk. Sharing is good, oversharing is awkward, especially if it has nothing to do with community discussions. Again, the trust thing. Community managers are also authority figures, they won’t have respect for you if you’re acting inappropriately. It’s not your private life if you’re sharing it online.

6. Don’t Get Involved in Cliques

Many online communities have cliques, groups of people who side together for a common cause. Community managers must remain neutral, regardless of their beliefs, and not get involved with cliques, or take sides in disputes. Your job is to keep the community together, not drive them apart.

7. Don’t Play Favorites

Again, community managers are supposed to be neutral. This means even some of the more unlikeable members of your community should be treated the same as the people with more agreeable personalities.  There can’t be teachers pets. Not if you want to hold the respect and continued trust of the community.

8. Listen

Your community won’t grow unless you take all feedback into consideration, and that includes the stuff you’d rather not hear.

9. Talk

Communication is a two way street. Respond to your community’s questions and comments and let them know that you’re not just someone who makes sure everyone’s playing nice.

10. Don’t Become the Scapegoat

When a community doesn’t get along, it’s easy to point fingers at the community manager and say, “well, she didn’t do her job.” It’s not necessarily management’s fault. Sometimes it’s a regular troublemaker who stirs up negativity everywhere he goes and sometimes it’s because the community manager’s manager isn’t allowing her to do her job properly (I have so been there) .  When you take the fall for an unsuccessful community it will come into play with future community based gigs.

What are some of your tried and true rules of community management?

You might also enjoy reading:

• The Patrick Swayze Rules of Online Community Management
• Where Should You Put Your Community Manager?
• How to Set Your Community Manager Up to Fail
• Community Management is More Than Just Twitter
• 10 Tips for Building a Successful Community from Scratch

I was having a discussion yesterday with a good friend  who also happens to be a community manager for a popular online forum. She was expressing her frustration with one of the community members who likes to stir up the crowd. He uses profanity despite the “no profanity” rule and if his posts are edited or deleted, cries censorship and baits her with profanity a in almost every post. I told her to try the Patrick Swayze rules of community management.

In Roadhouse, Swayze was the ultimate community manager.

1. “Be nice”

Very few forums thrive with constant negativity. When community management joins in a free for all of nastiness, there’s absolutely no hope for a community’s success. No one wants to hang out in a negative playground where mud is being slung or everyone is tit for tat. If someone in your community is baiting you or the rest of the members, be nice. This serves two purposes:

1. It sets the tone for the community- Most people join a community to share on a like-minded topic. However, no one is comfortable amid constant nitpicking, griping, swearing and fighting just for the sake of picking a fight. When management is positive but makes it clear negativity won’t be tolerated, the members feel more comfortable and aren’t afraid to have discussions complete with respectful disagreement.
2. It shows the other person you’re not taking the bait – There are people who thrive on drama. All they want is to start trouble and they’ll hone in on the easiest target. Sometimes it’s a community manager and sometimes it’s someone who is afraid to make waves. If you engage, he has his drama. If you don’t give him the satisfaction, he’ll have to go somewhere else for his fix.

Also, if someone isn’t following a forum’s rules, it’s not censorship to ask him not to curse or to ask him to abide by the guidelines, especially if it’s a private forum. Governments censor, online community managers keep the peace.

2. “Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

I’m a big fan of taking things private. If someone is breaking the rules, send him an email or DM respectfully requesting he revisit your comment policy. If he publicly complains, again respond in a pleasant manner via DM. If he starts stirring up the troops, it’s OK to say in the thread you will be happy to talk with him in private, but don’t give in to his invitation for a throw down. Whatever you do, don’t engage, whether in public or private. Once a fight gets going, it’ll happen in other threads and discussion topics and you’ll lose control. Always take it outside.

3. “Be nice until it’s time to not be nice”

Sometimes being nice and taking it private don’t work. Sometimes a person will continue baiting and continue breaking the rules and you have no choice but to show him to the door. It can be a temporary banning or it can something more permanent. However, you can’t risk losing an entire community because one person absolutely refuses to abide by the guidelines.

4. “Nobody ever wins in a fight”

When you engage in negativity it causes others to lose respect for you as the community manager. They’re counting on you for guidance, and to also ensure them a positive place to interact. Fighting and contributing to negativity will only cause you to look bad. Follow the “be nice” rules and don’t engage and you’ll win the respect of your community.

5. “No one puts baby in a corner”

Ok, just kidding, I got nothing with that one. How about…

5. “It’s a job, it’s nothing personal”

So that guy? The one who is continuing to bait you? He’s not doing it because he’s harboring some sort of sick grudge against you. Heck, he hardly even knows you. He’s doing it because he sees you as a target, it’s nothing personal. Likewise, when you have to reprimand someone, take it private or evan ban someone, it has nothing to do with them personally. It’s your job to provide a respectful, engaging, peaceful atmosphere.

Do you know why you don’t see negativity in many popular online communities? Because of stellar community management. The folks overseeing things have firm rules in place regarding interaction and, if someone is breaking the rules, they take care of it swiftly — usually in private. Chances are, they have to put up with some colorful people as well. That you never see that means they’re very good at their jobs.  Remember, be nice….until it’s time to not be nice.

You might also enjoy reading:

• How to Set Your Community Manager Up to Fail
• The Pros and Cons of Being an Online Community Manager
• Community Forum Personalities Part 1: The Chronic Malcontent
• How’s Your Comment Policy
• 6 Tips for Building an Offline Network